Sometimes it seems like an endless cycle. I have been there, we all have been. We are trying to get the attention of the dude we think we want or trying to maintain the the attention the guy that is pulling away from us after he seemed to be crazy about us. Here are nine proven ways to get him to chase you. The systems work and can be extreemly manipulative, so don’t abuse what you are about to learn.
It is important that you understand that I am going to share with you sincere, heart felt advice that absolutely works. The purpose of this article is not to just give your shallow tips and tricks to try to manipulate a situation that might not be worthy of you.
It is about you honoring yourself at the highest levels possible within the dating scene. I believe you are deserving of the most authentic and deeply loving relationship possible, don’t you? If you aren’t quite their yet, I understand, I wasn’t either, but I got there because I DECIDED TO. So I know you can get there as well.
1. Be The Chooser
Look, accept it, most men are clueless, they think with the thing between their legs. So the first step is to understand that YOU are the one who chooses. It is very important, and it is up to you to make sure that he knows that you are interested. Many women think that playing hard to get is required, but that is Junior High School stuff.
Courtship is a dance, and at the start a man needs a very clear sign that you’re interested. Keep in mind this is only indicating initial interest. A smile, flirty eye contact or even sending a first message online. Not asking him out or planning the date. That is all cool. There is a difference between initial interest, and commitment. There are great tips on How to Ask a Guy on a Date here.
If you need a reason, think about this, Match.com ran a study and found that women were more satisfied in their relationships when they made the first move online and off.
So throw him a crumb, and drop the handkerchief, so to speak. After he gets the message, it will be up to him to pursue you.
2. Own That You Are The Prize
Approaching the dating process with absolute certainty and confidence that you are the prize, is the mentality you must have to attract a quality man. There is absolutely no replacement for your I am the prize attitude. We are not talking about if from a stuck up mentality, but from a place of confidence.
The real question to always be answered is he worthy of you and the amount of love you are able to give? Forget hoping it will work out or that he will pick you, because YOU ARE THE PRIZE.
If he’s emotionally available, relationship ready and matches your values and long term goals of what you deserve in a mate, then awesome, he qualifies.
This attitude is key! When a woman doesn’t embrace the idea that she is fully worthy of the love she wants or stops valuing herself during the process it becomes a barrier to frinding authentic true love. If his attention waivers and he will losees interest, seeing her (in his eyes) as not worth the extra effort. he loses.
We are always teaching people how to treat us. So when you see yourself as the prize, as something valuable and worth investing in, this also makes a man see you as the best.
You are a woman worth the pursuit, and getting out of his comfort zone for, and if he doesn’t believe that, he is not the long term partner you are looking for.
3. Be Your Authentic Self
I see so many women spending too much time trying to be the perfect person, endlessly planning and straitening. Twisting themselves into something they aren’t just because they think it will “get the guy”. The one thing your future life partner wants is authenticity. Be your best you and be authentic.
There is no perfect person or perfect life. There is only you, the imperfectly perfect growing, learning, and getting better, you. When you are being the real you there is nothing more attractive than that to a man. Being real lets him open up, lets him feel something when you’re together. It allow him to be himself and that is how authentic relationships are developed.
Men must feel an emotional attraction with you. In order for him to fall in love with you, or even desire to see where the relationship will go the emotional attraction is required. You must open up your heart and be real.
Share your feelings, what you care about and what you stand for. Your likes and desires won’t match 100%, but if the foundations are congruent, you want to grow the deepest relationship you possibly can. Learn how to express your wants and needs to him in a way that he can understand how to fulfill them so you can connect at the deepest level. Make sure you learn what turns him on and encourages him.
Many women worry that if they’re honest, they will chase him away.
In fact the opposite is true.
Being real helps to bond you and create a solid foundation for the type of relationship most people seek. AUTHENTICITY is a word that cannot be stressed strongly enough in today’s fake it till you make it world. Just be who you are and constantly work on becoming the best you can be. Live and be your truth.
If he isn’t able to connect with you on that emotional heart level, if you never get real, he will more than likely pull away because the foundation to build something on, just isn’t there.
4. Embrace Your Independence ( Live Your Own Life)
Make time for you and continue to invest in yourself and the life you had before you started dating him. Whether that’s interests you had prior to meeting or something new that you’ve always wanted to try. Maintain and embrace your independence.
Respect yourself, know what your boundaries are and honour your relationships with others. Keep your plans with friends, even if he texts you for a date at the last minute and you’re dying to see him. Don’t stay up all night taking to him, when you have to get up for an early meeting the next day. Give him your all when you are together, but have distinct boundaries when your apart.
In other words, don’t stop and re-arrage your entire life just because you have interst in a new guy. It might work at first, but then it can turn to something needy and suffocating fairly quickly. Does this really need to be said? How many times have you seen this scenerio play out in your relationships and your friends. “A wise person learns from their own mistakes, a real wise person learns from the mistakes of others”
In the early dating stages, a man wants to feel needed and wanted by you. But there is a difference between needy and the space where he can add value to your life.
Think of this way…
Not having and living your own life translates into unnecessary pressure and neediness and makes men feel suffocated. Then the response is to want breathing space so he pulls away. That is what me do, but if you hear what I am trying to communicate this predictable pattern can be disrupted.
Not having a life translates into neediness and pressure, and equals him feeling suffocated. The natural reaction is to want breathing space and he pulls away and “spend more time with his friends”
Wanted, equals him seeing that you have a happy and fulfilling life. Noticing where he can make you even happier. The natural reaction then pulls him towards you and your radiance and energy, like a planet orbiting the sun.
5. Speak His Love Language
If you’re a longtime reader AttractLove.com you’ve heard me say this before, to men appreciation is love. When you’re with him show your appreciation for everything he has done. From calling you, to arranging the date, paying for the date etc.
Your approval and appreciation not only makes you stand out as a High Value Woman, it motivates him, and lets him know that he is on the right track to win with you.
You have probably also read different articles we have had about the 5 Love Languages, if you have not studied these emotional estates, it is worth your time.
6. Play The Field
Many women go on a few dates then want to become monogamous before they truly know if he’s the right man for them. In the early dating stages, its especially important to be open to dating other men until you’re in a committed relationship. Until you have an exclusive agreement, play the field and it is ok to be clear and let him know.
That means, giving your time and attention to the man that’s thoughtful and whose actions matches his words. The man that’s asking you out and planning dates. The man that’s showing you he cares about how you feel and if you’re having a good time.
In other words that man that’s investing in and pursuing you.
If you aren’t comfortable dating multiple men then keep in mind….
If the two of you aren’t committed to each other, it’s a lot of pressure for him to feel like he’s your only option and that is something that is unnecessary.
And its not good for you to focus too much attention on someone that you aren’t committed too and don’t even know yet if he fully meets and aligns with your values and life goals. My mom use to tell me, never seriously date someone you wouldn’t marry. I SO WISH I HAD LISTEND TO THAT ADVICE IT WOULD HAVE PREVENTED ME FROM GOING THROUGH TWO DIVORCES. That may seem like old fashion advice, but honestly my life would have been much smoother if I had followed it.
Most men love competition! Many men will become more chivalrous, when they know that your valuable time and attention is something they need to earn. Do you hear me ladies? I am telling you this article is FIRE!
7. Your Time Is His Reward
During the first few months of dating you don’t need to go out of your way to show a man that you’re special and the perfect woman for him. You don’t need to sleep with him before commitment, bring him special gifts or treats, offer to go dutch (unless your both students), run errands etc. If you do sleep with him make sure you BLOW HIS MIND!
Basically anything that would fall into the category of over giving, something his mom would do, or anything that a man does to impress a woman.
His reward is your time, and the attention and appreciation you give him when you are together. As your relationship develops and he has invested more in you, that’s then you make gestures towards investing in other ways with him.
Keep in mind this doesn’t mean he has to pay for everything on your dates or that you should act entitled in anyway. In the above, I’m referring to over giving, not offering a small gesture of appreciation, it is your call but the last emotion you want a guy to feel is unappreciated.
For example on a third date if he pays for dinner, you can offer to get the popcorn at the movie after if you want. He might take you up on it or not. Either way sincere appreciation for his efforts is very important, and if done the right way, will be more than enough.
8. Keep Your Texting To A Minimum
Spending to much time texting with a guy, is one of the biggest mistakes you can make in the getting to know you stage of courtship. (I know I keep mentioning the early dating stages but context is everything!) Texting too much personal information, staying up until 3 am messaging, sending little pings when you haven’t heard from him for two days etc. is asking for disaster. I know most of you reading this will ignore this advice, but if you would take this advice you will quickly set yourself apart from the BIMBOS he may be use to.
Texting is not dating.
A big part of getting to know someone is the emotional connections that you make while you are one on one with them. Too much texting can give you a false sense that you are in a relationship that’s going well. But really what you’re in is something built on fantasy, assumptions and unrealistic expectations. Which often result in things fizzling out or the guy disappearing altogether. He is texting bimbos and spending time dating a few girls that he is really into.
In the beginning, your texting habits should have clear boundaries at all times. Keep conversations to simple logistics or to quickly touching base before a date. When are you ready to take everything to a new level then and only then you learn to turn him on with your text.
9. Stop Chasing Him
I hear many women who say they want the guy to chase them, yet they have taken on the role of the pursuer. Constantly trying to keep his interest, controlling the dates by asking or planning, stalking him online, over texting, just “happening” to show up where he is, etc…
Things you might think are harmless or cute, but really are done more out of fear that he will lose interest or will never commit. Things that can make him feel suffocated and pull away. Give him all the roap you can unti and let him hang himself if he want to. There are plenty of guys out there, and you are, or are becoming the girl worth chasing.
The truth is, if its the right guy you don’t have to chase him.
You just have to be you. When you are showing up owning who you are, fully confident and knowing you’re the prize the right guy will chase you. This is one reason developing mind blowing sex skills is important, it gives you a dose of confidence most chicks dont have.
So if you want him to woo you and pursue you, then sit back and give him the chance!
At the end of the day….
Men love to chase a woman that is rock solid in her confidence, inside and out. A woman that inspires them because she has her own passions and brings something interesting to the table. A woman that understands how to communicate and give him the breathing space he needs.
If you want to get him to chase you, it’s all about self-love, owning your value and self-worth at all times. Knowing that no matter what happens you are the chooser. Knowing that no matter what happens you trust in your heart that you are the prize and 100% worth the chase.
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