Dr. Joel Pike
In this article we are going to share with your the proven mindset it takes to attract the Love of Your life, into your life. You are going to learn how to attract the loving relationship you are looking for.
A lot of people have relationships where they settled and they’ve gotten themselves in a place where a friendship you know they’ve pat on the back, a little kiss on the cheek but there’s not that aliveness anymore. And oftentimes we’re told well that’s what you’re supposed to expect after a period of time.
Listen to me, it isn’t about time it’s about triggers and knowing those really are what attracts the right relationship into your life and keeps is ON FIRE!
The other thing we just want you to know this is really about how to be happy because you know so many people in life have these dreams and goals and then they get them and they’re unhappy. And when you travel around the world here’s what you’ll find; I don’t care what background people have, what the religious belief is, what level of success, or challenge they have in their life, people want
- happiness
- they want joy
- they want to feel good about their life
- they want a sense of meaning
If there’s love and passion there, that maybe there’s something in your life that you’ve done that you know has made a difference for someone you love that is a BONUS!
Nothing feels greater than that. And also, knowing someone loves you so much they’re so passionate for you that your life has a different level of meaning. But, as important as this area is for most people this is the area, that matters the least.
Most of us run to work, we run the business, or shaping our bodies, or our kids because it’s safer and we have control, but this is an era that if you take charge of yourself, and if you understand the dynamics of men and women and relationship, and you can make changes in minutes!
Even changes you may have been trying to make for years and really not being able to experience. Our goal in this article is to give you the confidence to take whatever you’ve been talking about, whatever you’ve been dreaming about, or as great as the relationship is, to the next level where love and passion is a daily experience. So, we thank you and we’re going to get into the meet of this article. We considered selling what you are about to read as a paid report. But it is here for the readers of www.AttractLove.com so let’s begin.
Are you afraid?
“To they Own Self Be True” and if you are honest there is something about love, relationships, authentic passion, that you are afraid of so I know the answer is for 99% of the people reading is “Yes”.
“What are you afraid of?”
“That if I leave my wife, I’ll lose my identity and my self-worth and I’ll lose our love and love for myself”. That is what someone told me recently. So
what is your honest answer?
So going with the client that was afraid of leaving his wife, this was how the conversation went. This is what I told him. “You probably will, in fact it will be worse than that.
His response, “What Do you mean?”
I asked, “Do you have kids?”
He said “Yes”
I said, “You’ll feel them hating you at times, you’re going to lose a lot of money more than you think. He’s going to have another guy bring up his kids, he’s going to fall in love with another woman to make all the same mistakes all over again”.
His Response, “that sounds like my wife”
My question for your wife would be, “Hi, is your love for this man unconditional?
His response was “Yes, I’ve had a lot of struggles with physical attraction. I tried to tell myself that physically that was all that I needed and it wasn’t. I don’t feel that she was the person I was meant to be with for the rest of my life.”
My question to Sam was (my clients name was Sam) “You want to leave?”
SAM: “I want to be free of the pain on both sides. I’m sick, I’m fed up. With feeling this way it’s unfair to her it’s unfair to me”.
ME: “I see. So you basically believe you know what’s right but you do not have the guts to do something?”
SAM: “You got it!
ME: “For you to have certainty and comfort what do you got to do?
SAM: “I need to know that I’m loved”.
ME: “So you’re living a life where the most important things in your life is not being met and you’ve uncertainty about, and how much certainty do you have that your family is going to love you from 0 to 100? How would you rate the support of your family?
SAM: “100.
ME: “You’re talking about your father?”
SAM: “No, I’ve lost my father.
ME “Okay, that’s okay”.
ME “You were his little boy?”
SAM: “Definitely”.
ME: “What did he say about you?”
SAM: “That’s I was perfect”.
ME: “That bastard told you your perfect”
MEl “So yeah, I’m sorry to hear by your father’s passing”
SAM: “Thank you”
ME: “But your father needed to pass at some point so you could beome a man. You could never be the man when your father was alive; he has a chance now”.
SAM: “Wow”. It’s like I have this huge weight lifted off my shoulders that I don’t have the worry that used to bog down my brain. Trying to live up to my fathers expectations and legacy as a dad and man.
Many people probably believe they’ve tried everything. And you know with what they’re thinking at the time they probably can’t see anything else. If they love the person they’re with and they know in their heart just try one more time because it’s so worth it”.
This is Dr. Joel Pike, and I’m here today to talk to the gentleman in the group but in case any ladies are reading this article today as well, here’s my question for you ladies.
BE HONEST LADIES AND ANSWER THESE QUESTIONS
“How many of you cannot stand a man who can’t make a decision?
How many of you cannot stand a man who at one point in the relationship he’s there for you and now he doesn’t feel present at all?
How many can’t stand a man I can’t tell you the truth,?
Now that I’ve stirred up the ladies. This is really an article more for men, so gentlemen I know you know there’s been women in your life who have felt in the beginning so much passion for you.
And then gradually, you guys seem to drift apart and you love each other, but there isn’t that same aliveness, that same sensuality or sexuality or excitement together.
And a lot of men think that women cheats and I would argue it gentlemen, but if you and I take responsibility, we dig underneath, and we understand what the triggers are that make women turn off, then we can turn them back on, and not by some stupid technique but by the thing that affects most women to deepest and that is your presence”.
Most women are starving for a man whose presence (what does present mean?) it means a man who is right here with me one hundred percent right now. His mind isn’t doing 20 other things.
I know gentlemen it’s hard to be present when woman is talking to you, and she’s talking about so many things so quickly very often that don’t relate because woman’s brain has something called diffused awareness.
It means they taken everything all at once. It isn’t multitasking, it’s literally transitioning. Not even transitioning experiencing multiple conversations with people at one time, whereas men tries to the focus on one thing at a time.
And when a woman starts doing that most men’s brains click in or they try to focus on one thing they can handle and they’re no longer present, if you’re in your head and you’re not connected with that woman she doesn’t feel that presence, and presence is what opens a woman, presence is what causes a woman to open to you essentially, sexually, emotionally, her heart, her soul, the whole nine yards.
Ladies correct me if I’m wrong, there is nothing more powerful than presence when there’s real love involved, and often women respond to a man who doesn’t even love them but who is present for them, when they feel like there’s nothing else in the world but “me” right now.
And gentlemen, you know how to do that when you’re in the zone in sports you are so present, when you’re in the zone trying to solve a problem you were so there, and you probably were so there when you were pursuing this woman, but if you can train yourself to bring that presence back on a regular basis, you can own your woman like she’d never been on where she will literally melts for you.
I don’t think most women who are feminine would argue with what I’m sharing with you right now, if they do, they can not only talk about the article they can write some comments down below whenever this article is posted on AttractLove.com
So, what makes women also feel you’re not present? Is when you may feel like you’re not honest. And most men are truly honest but they just don’t want to deal with what they call the shit, that must be the technical term; right?
The shit they get for telling the truth because she disagrees about it and men get worn out by words, men would happy to resolve it if finally, they’ll just say yeah, yeah, okay, okay. When you say yeah, yeah, okay, okay, that’s not really okay with you you’re not present, so she gets even more animated.
See, most women they don’t want a pleaser, they would like to be pleased but they don’t want a pleaser. A pleaser tries to do anything they can to make things work they feel there’s no presence for the man, he has no center, he has no strength, they may like him but it’s going to be hard for them to respect him and if she doesn’t respect him there’s not going to be a lot of passion.
And if it is you that’s a real problem, you and I both know if you’re a single man who’s meeting women or whether you’re in an intimate relationship.
So, I thought maybe we’ll show you one example of how women perceive dishonesty with men perceive it as just leaving things out so they don’t have to deal with more challenges and how to deal with it differently. I can tell you that verbally but it might be better to witness it.
We were in Aruba recently and there was a gentleman there sharing that he has so much difficulty just dealing with his wife. She wants him to do things like, do the dishes, and he says I run a business and if I don’t do the dishes she doesn’t feel like I love her and I said, “well then why would you just do it at times because I do at times but it’s like every time and so she asked me you know you know am I going to do dishes and I say “yes” and then I don’t do it then she gets mad at me and I said “yeah” because there isn’t anything authentic.
“I said why don’t you play your wife game right now, let’s talk about whatever she’s upset about and I’ll just be me but I’ll be you and I’ll be myself if I was you” and you’ll just watch this little drama and it’s pretty simplistic.
All I basically am going to say is “no, I’m not going to do it”; and he was shocked when I demonstrated this. But I didn’t do it harshly, I didn’t say you should go do these dishes, I don’t have a delusion that that’s a woman’s job, I just said I’m not going to do it, this is not priority, but I also don’t think it’s your problem,
I am committed to working out a solution but I’m not going to do this and there’s some things that you probably don’t want to do I don’t see, let’s work this out. It’s coming from a place of concurrency and people can feel when you say what you mean and you mean what you say versus when you’re playgated.
I know this is third grade at one level like we all know this intellectually, but knowing intellectually and doing it is two different things. Image having a passionate relationship; in a relationship where you’re constantly accommodating each other. And accommodation doesn’t produce passion, it might have a relationship with there’s some friendship but again the only difference between you know a friendship and an intimate relationship is intimacy.
Real exciting intimacy is when people feel your presence. Feeling this honesty, you’ll take it away, it is really simple. Now try this and see what you get out of it gentleman.
Think about if you might use that same sense of presence that’s already inside you; you use in business or sport with that woman and not let the password out. You might be surprised, women very often when they feel that strength, it excites them to see you have a standard and you’re not going to be swayed.
Take it out and then maybe show this even to a woman in your life and see if she agrees you might say that “Dr. Pike is so full of it, that is a bunch of crap”. My bet is, she’ll say “yeah” smack you on the shoulder, “that’s what I’ve been trying to tell you be present with me”. And instead of, you know, saying well “I’m sorry, I’ll be better” just deliver it.
Maybe this week is the time to act like it is Valentine’s week, it’s time for you to find your own center, the way you do in business, the way do we have a purpose, the truth is when you discover you can do without a woman in your life, the game will change.
But inside there’s going to be a part of you and a part of your partner in life whether you found them, or the one you’re pursuing, or the one you’re already with that you’re going to start to cherish on a different level. Now while that may sound corny we’ve got some skills, we just spent some time in Aruba for seven days with our coaching group, and we went deep. There were couples that were absolutely gone the marriage was over. How would you describe some of them? Some of them were over the top head over hills in love, and have been for many years. How would I describe the experience?
It was. It’s amazing to be able to take a relationship that truly doesn’t feel that passion and doesn’t feel that intimacy in that love and in a moment to be able to decide something new. And that’s what happened over and over and over again at our Aruba retreat and so you’re going to be able to experience a taste of that if you make a decision after you complete this article..
We’re just here to say that this next week can be Valentine’s week. Remember it’s about waking up to adoring your partner on such a different level and celebrating your partner. And you know it’s crazy because on Valentine’s Day, you know, we do so much that’s romantic day. The softness, creativity and go out of our way and it’s about bringing that magic, and that love, and that thoughtfulness, and that sincerity, and waking up to your partner’s needs at such a different level, because it really is in the little things that you know just create that depth of love.
It’s also just deciding to set a stake in the ground as standard for going forward that this is not just Valentine’s Day but your life you know.
YOU KNOW YOU CAN DO THIS, DON’T YOU?
People get what they accept, people get what they tolerate in themselves and each other, and most people in relationship are thinking about what they’re going to tolerate in the other person.
But in our relationship, I think the beauty and the passion and all the juices I’ve gotten and experience in our relationship my girl, is because I hold myself to a higher standard than she can ever expect of me.
I think when your standard and focus is about yourself instead of on your partner, about how do I show up more, what am I here to give. In the beginning of a relationship, people’s whole focus is, “how do I light them up, I want to do anything light them up.
It makes you feel incredible to light your partner up. And you know your relationship is aging, not based on years, but you can be with somebody a week but you start thinking about what are we doing for, me and I’m doing it all.
You start measuring what you’re giving instead of just giving from your heart, your soul, things drop off, so maybe this week is a chance for you to really create some relationship breakthroughs and we think that takes three things any kind of breakthrough.
I realize some of you may not be in a relationship at the moment, but pull your experience from past relationship, and take the mindset we are sharing with you and prepare yourself for you next relationship. If you implement what we are sharing there is a good possibly that the next person you attract, may be THE ONE!
Sometimes it’s having the right strategy, because frankly you know as a guy we say and do things that girls interpret very differently. They come up with very different meanings and vice versa. For men, for example, problems are not things you talk about; problems are things you solve right now or you make them small and move on. For ladies, sharing that problem, digging in, feeling it, not solving it. They want to understand it, and hang on to it.
Understanding gentlemen is such a key piece, we are such different species and I think having an understanding of each other and each other’s needs, and knowing that we are not the same you know our own reality of how we think and feel and process life isn’t the same for your partner. So, having that not just understanding but truthfully appreciation for how they view and experience the world is a game changer. So many things in our relationship, and it’s like oh my goodness you know what it’s not me because I’m an energetic person, it’s just knowing that that’s how they process reality and process life. There is the reason EQ (Emotional Intelligence) is becoming such a big buzz word in society today.
Well they say that men are from Mars Medina’s John Gray is a friend of mine, it’s a wonderful approach but all men have a feminine side and a masculine side, all women have a feminine side and a masculine side. It’s really just understanding how this species interpret the world and if you don’t understand the strategy and interpret that you’ll be upset or angry or frustrated.
So perhaps after reading and understanding this article you’ll be able to dig in and get some new understandings that’ll take some of the weight off to make you laugh and stuff that you used to get upset about. It’s one thing in strategies to know how to fix things, but oftentimes you don’t apply what you know because you got a story about your relationship, a story about your partner, but they don’t really care. Of course you’ve got frustrations or pains or disappointments they got interpreted in the past, and now you’re generalizing about your partner. And whenever we generalize about anybody, we do them a disservice and ourselves as well.
So maybe this week during Valentine’s week maybe yoy discover what are the empowering stories about your relationship? If you ask a couple: “how did you meet? and they talk about it with such passion excitement you know the relationships still alive. If they go “yeah we met, you know this is what happens, we bumped into each other” and there’s no energy for it.
Even a story of how you met affects you, so probably this week might you might want to take a look at the stories that you tell about your partner to yourself, to your friends, to your partner, because we start to believe our stories. And I always tell people, you want to change your life, change your story. Divorce the story of how your partner is not enough or you’ll never find the partner you want if you’re single or the good ones are gone. Whatever is stopping you from getting what you want in a relationship, there’s a story about it. If you can uncover it; you can get rid of it. Divorce your story and marry the truth. The truth is always something that will empower you much more.
Saige: And that truth of that magnification remembering it’s like one of the gifts that we give each other especially actually at a time like this like Valentine’s week is actually reliving those moments, you know, reliving the magic and appreciating the magic. And it just infuses into your life rather than looking and letting those stacking stack up to you become frustrations. And the story knowing that, this man, I was born to love this man Tony: I love that story. And God gifted me with millions of people for all the good that I’ve done, this has been the gift of my life, I believe that’s my positive karma, that’s the core story I believe about this woman. And that produces a love and commitment and devotion to each other that gets you through any of the other BS that shows up when you get caught up in the daily stresses of things.
So, rewrite your story, what is your love affair and who are you for the one that you love.
If you’re single, it’s time to rewrite the story of who you are and the one that you’re going to track, because whatever we focus on, wherever focus goes energy flows, so your story controls the energy of your life.
If you think all the good ones are gone it’s self-fulfilling. You know, if you’re overweight and can’t lose the weight, strategies are there but you’re not doing it because you go “I’ve tried everything”; you haven’t tried everything. Not all the good ones are gone, and your partner who is right with you if there was ever a passion that passion can be brought back to life with the right strategies, but first you got to have the story that says you can. You must learn how to program your mind for what you want, what my friend Dale Calvert calls Programming Your Mind for Success.
The most important part of your relationship is the state you’re in. We always call the “State of the Union”. You know, what the state of the union”. If two people are independent each other in peak states about things in their business, their life, their career, and they need it together it’s a great relationship.
If they’re both in kind of a so-so state….. eventually a relationship is so-so. If they’re both in a crappy state, that is the reason for a crappy relationship. What people going to want is when we meet somebody, we get attracted them because they change our state, change the way we feel, we get excited, want to be with them.
Are you putting yourself in a state where you’re with the partner in your life or the person you want to track, are you in the state that would make them want to be with you, like they would be in the beginning?
You know most people are noticing what the other person isn’t doing but the most important thing is you’re going to interpret your partner and really negative ways when you’re in a lousy state. Have you ever being mad at somebody about something and you found out later on you were wrong? Well, that’s the state you’re in. So, we have so many tools for changing state and we work at it . You can program your mind for success in all areas of
life.
“So from a state perspective, be aware, sometimes truthfully we will even if there’s a stack of frustration we will literally it’s like you know maybe we need to change our state, will go drink some water, will eat something, just taking a breath from what’s happening in that moment, so it allows your physiology to exchange.
When you find yourself in a negative state with you significant other you must interrupt that pattern, physically. I mean, my wife and I, we will physically be just like let’s do something. So, we’ll jump in the pool or something crazy. Do something where you know you come out and you will feel different. In feeling different in your physiology, you experience different realities. Does that make sense?
“When you’re stuck in a relationship you’re stuck because you’re stuck in a state. People get stuck in the future. Future is not the way they want it to be in their head or something had to happen in the past. Happiness comes from your ability to embrace & appreciate your present.
The best thing is to change something in the present physically change it, drink some water, have something to eat jump in the river, do whatever you got to do because in the right state you and I both know if there’s any love there you will transform and come back and solve the problem. But in the wrong state good people, the right people in the wrong state will mess up the relationship. So if you want a breakthrough this week, look at some of the strategies for understanding appreciating and changing. Look at what triggers you to feel attractive because this week is not just about love, it’s love and passion.
If all you have is love you have a friendship, nothing is wrong with that, but if you have an intimate relationship and there’s passion there. So what are the strategies to trigger that masculine and feminine energy, the dance of it.
They’re different love and passion what makes you love somebody doesn’t always make you excited about them. Sometimes you just want to snuggle; what makes you excited doesn’t always bring out love. How do you trigger both of these in the same relationship?
You can learn how to ignite that. Ignite that passion, ignite that love, ignite that attraction, you can turn it on in an instant and that’s what we really share, you know, for us, we are each other’s best friends, I mean literally, we share everything together. And yet to have that and to have that intimacy alive, to have that and to have that level of attraction, that’s where it’s just a game changer. It’s a game changer at a level of love, excitement and anticipation to really enjoy every minute of your life together.
It is a lot of fun to live life this way.
f“I would say the most important thing that anybody has to do, man or woman, but I think you’re right, men in the past have been conditioned to associate more with their work to what they do, and women have devoted time more to the relationships that you made go beyond conditioning the biochemistry is obviously very different. Every man and every woman have both male and female energy in themselves, every woman but mostly you have a chance that one is stronger. And so, the answer to that is you have to become a creator instead of just a hunter. If you’re a hunter, and you get what you want, you’re happy, that’s what most men do.
And what I think you can do instead is attract what you want, and the way you attract what you want is not just a composite way, you’re thinking about the past, it’s getting really specific about what did you want like anything in life, almost anything you’ve ever achieved in your life you got really clear, something you got excited about, you got obsessed & you thought about it.
Also, we can relate to something I want it’s so bad I couldn’t stop thinking about it, and you kind of kept thinking about it and if you didn’t come to place of fear, you hear things, you notice things started, you know, making distinctions, ideas came to you, put together a plan, you took some action, something didn’t work, you try something else, but you eventually got there because we’re so good, and so hungry, and so clear.
But if you got a general goal doesn’t have a relationship so this do a while you going to lose some weight oh and make some money, fine here’s a dollar, fine here’s a guy, you know, fine, lose a pound, and you just achieved your goals. What big goals have you achieved without passion?
I think people ought to get really specific, thats what I did with my own life, To transform my life I sat down, I wrote down everything I could possibly want in a relationship; everything! And I was ridiculous in the level of precision. I wrote six pages. I wrote spiritually, mentally, emotionally physically, sense of humor, you know, how we interact, what kind of things we laugh about, about that level of insanity. And then some people make lists like that before. Then I went through and I thought that wasn’t really much, that wasn’t really, really what I was passionate about, and I threw the list away.
Then, (because I revisit everything in my mind) but I got to understand something. Just because I want something (I know I’m not a believer) I didn’t participate in the secret for very good reasons, because I don’t believe in the secret. I think there’s many secrets.
I believe love attraction is one of them. I’ve tried it for years but it isn’t to make it like that part of life is absurd. If all you have to do is think positively and hold it clearly and then secret is you attract your own thoughts there are dozens and dozens and dozens of the laws of life are also equally important. To put so much emphasis on one doesn’t make a whole lot of sense to me.
And who’s to say you’re supposed to think of something and get it; everything you thought about you got, you’d be bored out of your mind. Plus, not getting what you want is sometimes the most valuable thing that could ever happened to you, because out of that, you become deeper, richer, stronger, you open up and on a different level. Now you’re a gift to other people as well as a gift to yourself.
You know somebody wouldn’t say as much, but he first came out would say, you know so many of the things you teach are so complex, yet so simple. I think, if you really want simple just go do it. To me how it’s working. Here is why. I focused on green lights all the way here and have green lights all the way and what you’re going to do when you get red lights? You’re out weighing yourself?
You’re are not thinking positively enough? I said “yes they are messed up”, I said “it’s so stupid”. I said “you know what it is? it’s like you are seeing a purpose but that you’re at odds with it, and it weren’t enough because they just weren’t thinking positive, and they attracted all that negativity in life, that’s absurd.
They all have different life paths and different stages of our problem and each stage opened different possibilities for us. So, I’m a big believer that you have to put yourself in a position where you decide not only what you want, but who you have to become to attract them; not just think positive.
Because, you know, I was always a nice guy, women love me, I was a big pleaser and they love me for a while, maybe, like he’s just so nice. And then like some badass guy I’d get up, okay. But, when I own myself, I didn’t have to be a badass guy. I know I was a nice guy; everyone wants to be pleased but no one wants a pleaser. They might think they want but as they get it, they will be bored soon.
So, when I own myself and I know who I was as a man and I have these qualities, then I attracted the woman of my dreams as my wife, 12 years now since I’m out of my mind for her and she’s out of her mind for me. That came about. So then, I read those every day for several months in advance or being like once every week or two, and I was on a train between Paris and Venice with my wife Trina, she was my girlfriend at the time actually one of my girlfriends at the time, If I was honest about that. I said I don’t want to be tied down in that situation and you’re doing things. We were so insane, and I said wait a second I pulled out and so, you know, a wonderful time planner in those days and I read it to her.
Everything on the list I wanted, she was, everything I didn’t want she didn’t want, and also, I should mention that because sometimes you get things you don’t want and that messed up everything else. Everything I want and everything I didn’t want that was a must, and she was everything on it. The kind of guy that I said that I was to being committed to being everything she wanted. So we got married 14 years ago, and I couldn’t ask for more. Work on yourself first, you attitudes, and you will attract the love of your life.